Unlocking the MInd

This is my first assignment for WP writing 101. Write whatever comes to your mind, unedited for 20 minutes.

The reason I am taking this course is to learn to be a better writer. I have been writing in journals for about twenty years and am so insecure that I even edit my journal writing for fear of what others might think if if there is no filter on what I write. The odd thing is that for years there was no filter on anything I said and I didn’t put anything in writing because I feared it would come back to bite me in the butt. d

I know now that my boldness and mouthy behavior was a cover-up for my own emotional insecurity. Now I don’t blame anyone for  that but I know a lot of it came from the way I was treated as a child and teen. I came from a home where dad was an alcoholic and mom worked all the time to get by ( and probably away from Dad). I decided as a teen that I would “do to others before they did to me”. Since I was only 4′ 11′ and 92 # the chip I had on my shoulder weighed me down significantly.

By God’s grace and mercy I lived through those teen years and did mellow with age, however went from bold and brassy to meek and weak. Man there had to be a middle road. Over the years the school of hard knocks  and a maturing relationship with the Lord Jesus I began to gain a bit of insight into who I was and how to deal with the things of the past that brought out undesirable behaviors. Not undesirable by others but by me. Your see I am my own worst critic! I double and triple check everything I do and therefore don’t do as much as I could or should in my perspective.

I love to learn and read and get excited about putting all I learn into practice but when the course work is done and the lessons are learned I seldom take action because of the fear of failure. The prompt for today’s lesson was about information overload and that is how I feel after taking a course. I have to have a step 1,2,3 to go by and be told just what to do next because I don’t trust my own thinking. I don’t feel I have anything of my own to offer so I live off the wisdom of those other bloggers, Christians, authors and teachers.

I have a lot of ideas of what I would like to write about and I love analogies but it is just like the writer of this assignment said, by the time it gets to putting it on paper or at the computer keys it just doesn’t seem as important or impressive and I delete or wad it up and throw it out. I have a whole box of analogies and stories I have jotted down that I would like  to expand on but there they sit in the box. The minute I pull one out and begin to try to expand on it my mind goes blank and I determine “it wasn’t such a good idea anyway.

Well my 20 minutes are almost up and I am surprised that I haven’t stopped once to change anything. So these random thoughts are there for all the blogosphere to see. And to my friend Lori who got me started blogging I say thank you. My filters are off and it has been a very liberating experience.  I have one confession to make though I did do a little spell checking. So take away my birthday, no please take it away, I’m 66.

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2 Comments

Filed under faith stages, Weary encouragement hope

2 responses to “Unlocking the MInd

  1. You need to keep your birthdays. Write on. 🙂

  2. Take away your birthday? I had never heard that one. A threat you rec’d as a kid? Do tell. I want to hear more… The sign of a good writer is just this, her readers what to hear more. 🙂

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